What is truth?

April 12th, 2023

After having lunch with my husband and some friends in downtown Austin, we were saying our goodbyes to part ways as my husband and I were going back to work and our friends were flying back home.

Walking on the sidewalk I directed myself to cross the intersection between 2nd St. and Nuence St. as I was going toward the Main Library where I had parked my car. When I got to the intersection I noticed another person on the other side who was about to cross the street as well. I noticed she was pulling a packed wagon with one hand and with the other she carried a brown teddy bear that caught my attention for a second. I thoug

ht about commenting on how cute her teddy bear was. But at that same second I started looking at my watch and was already thinking about the commute to my next destination, calculating the time and how much traffic I would have on my way. So I just continued walking to cross the street.

Before I finished crossing I lifted my head again to check my way when I noticed the lady on the other side had let go of her wagon and was coming in my direction with what I could describe as an aggressive facial expression. Not knowing what was going on and not thinking that her rage was towards me, I continued crossing the street to reach the sidewalk when she stroked my head with a punch. While feeling bewildered from the punch, I saw her grab the handle of her wagon again and cross the street screaming at me: "You don’t come smelling me like that, bitch!” Still frazzled with what had just happened and seeing her still crossing the street, I spoke loudly: “You crazy!”

She looked over her left shoulder said something else that I couldn't understand and continued crossing the street.

I tried to continue on my way to the library but I ended up becoming too nervous and dizzy to drive when I decided to return while calling my husband to meet me on the way.

Today being the next day and still with some headache.. I did not understand what had happened. I keep revisiting my memory trying to figure it out but maybe there will be no answers. How do I name what happened?!

What I got so far:

Trauma. The world in her mind is not the same as mine. Trauma impacts, restricts the way you see the world around you and consequently how you behave. This person does not feel safe in her world in which she needs to defend herself in every corner. I don’t know what she saw in me or perhaps a mindless gesture I made without knowing, her defense mechanism was turned on. Trauma is a wound and unintentionally I have touched her wound. If us as a society keep turning away from the effects of trauma/childhood adversity experiences, this situation can happen to anyone who crosses paths, including you.

Racism. This lady is black and possibly in a situation of homelessness. I don’t think I need to say anything else. But just in case.. She doesn’t feel safe so her defense mechanism might be always on. Her brain might not even know or register what it means not to be on alert mode. The cortisol level in her body might be so high in which it would make sense for a person to be on fight mode, as she was, all the time.

Physical assault. Yes, it was. A person can’t be walking around and punching everybody who crosses her path. Afterwards I thought that I should have called the police, filed a report, she might have been arrested, etc. And then what?! She would become one more statistic. No, I refuse to do that. Doing that would not make her life better, I wouldn’t feel better, it would not undo what had happened...

It made me think about all of what this lady had gone through in her life. It might sound strange but I would like to look for her, perhaps know her better because I believe that deep down, her true -self might be kind and loving.

It also made me wonder how many times a situation like this happens. What is the truth?! In her world she stood up for herself on whatever she had interpreted when she saw me. And in my world I was assaulted for no reason.